Jon and Kate are breaking up and getting a divorce. I never watched more than five minutes of the show but it has raised a very common issue. It is the issue of passive men and domineering women in marriage. I have seen this often in thirty years of ministry, the fatherlessness of our culture has contributed greatly to confusion in men and a real emasculation. We have also taught women to be very aggressive and fill the void left by passive men.
I have a couple of observations. First, the answer is not macho men. Machismo is a mask for insecurity and is not the antidote to passivity. Second, women are not to be doormats; biblical submission means respect and honor but not the loss of identity or blind obedience. Instead I think fatherless men need each other to regain their confidence to be initiators in their relationships and real leaders in their families. Women need to realize no matter how much their husband acts like a boy they cannot treat him like a boy. He cannot be nagged into growing up or being the man you hoped you got. If you treat him like a child most likely he will remain a child.
One thing I have a real problem with is the man leaving the bossy wife and saying he did this because he finally grew up. Running away is not growing up, it is as cowardly as passively letting her boss you around. Real growing up takes responsibility for the problems passivity has created and initiates change in the relationship. Instead of running into the arms of another woman, change your behavior toward the woman you married. Come out of your hiding place, learn to both love and confront your wife. Don’t act like a child, gently confront her when she tries to treat you like a child or corrects you like you are a child, and become a real grown up man worthy of her respect.
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